


One Regret

by WhenPuttingPentoPaper



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, Sacrifice, Self-Sacrifice, Unrequited Love, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26313934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenPuttingPentoPaper/pseuds/WhenPuttingPentoPaper
Summary: Based on a request I had gotten on Tumblr by @canyouevencauseicant, which I will post in the notes at the end.
Relationships: Kíli (Tolkien)/Reader, Kíli (Tolkien)/Tauriel (Hobbit Movies), Kíli/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38





	One Regret

**Author's Note:**

> Reposed from Tumblr.
> 
> This is my first request for this blog! It was so exciting to receive, so major thanks to @canyouevencauseicant for slipping this prompt into my inbox. It was quite inspiring, and therefore, the words flowed quite easily. However, I did not realize until I went back to read over the request after I had written it, that the requester probably wanted some build up to this, involving a backstory. I do apologize! If you would like, I would be more than happy to write a prequel to this, if you so wish. Let me know, @canyouevencauseicant! Also, I hope this was angsty enough for you!
> 
> TRANSLATIONS:  
> Âzyungel = “love of loves” in Khuzdul  
> Men lananubukhs me = “I love you” in Khuzdul

They say that when you die, your life flashes before your eyes, and all you could think, in your last few moments, was how a truer statement had never been spoken. Your mind was filled with thoughts of  _ him _ . Memories, both happy and sad, as well as your own visions for the future you had always wanted with him at your side. Of course, they would have never come true, even if you had survived this day, and knowing that gave a certain finality to it all. In the end, you had saved the love of your life, and knowing that he would be able to live on, probably with his beloved she-elf, but smiling and laughing and loved—oh so very loved—was enough for you to leave this world without any regrets.

Well, perhaps that was a bit of a lie. 

“Y/N!” 

It was your name that you heard amongst all the silence. You were on the ground now, eyes on the clear blue sky; it was a shame that, on such a beautiful day, the lot of you were all out fighting a pointless war, one with needless casualties. But  _ he _ would not be amongst the corpses. No. You had ensured that by claiming your own space.

And for the first time since you felt the harsh slide of metal pierce your flesh, you felt pain. Searing, burning agony, and it brought tears to your eyes. You blinked them away, air being torn from your lungs as you felt yourself lifted. Not metaphorically. Actually, physically lifted from the ground, and your body, mostly limp without energy, groaned in protest, your face screwing into a wince.

Hurried, hushed apologies reached your ears as you were moved, something brushing your hair from your forehead. And again, your name was uttered, but this time, it was quieter, and it broke. A sniffle followed and finally, you were stilled, warmth encompassing you in the form of two arms and legs. 

The dwarf held you close to him, tears streaming down his face, and it wasn’t until you had opened your eyes—your beautiful, soulful orbs that had ensnared him the first time you met and kept him ever since—that he spoke once more. “Y/N.  _ Please _ .” He bowed his head, his nose touching yours. “Help is coming.” 

His calloused fingers touched the side of your face, pushing your hair back as his tears touched the curve of your cheek. You had thought you passed on, this moment your own personal version of heaven. Bliss, to you, was an eternity in this male’s arms. But there, you weren’t supposed to feel pain, and your body still ached, wound festering like fire against your midsection. A groan left your lips, breathing becoming difficult, and seeing you like this, the young dwarf let out a sob, his grip on you tightening as if it would keep you tethered here, to him.

“Y/N. Stay with  _ me _ .” The plea was a caress against your dirty skin, and it struck a fear within you that you had never known or considered. You had accepted death as the price for allowing the young prince to see the light of the next day, but you hadn’t realized that it meant you would be separated from him. Or that your absence from his world would affect him so greatly. 

“Kili,” you managed his name, gasping afterwards. It required air in your lungs that you just didn’t have. 

He hushed you again, chocolate eyes straying from your face to your chest. The sight of you struggling for breath—it was the stuff of his worst nightmares. “Don’t speak. You haven’t the strength…” He trailed off as you slowly shook your head, the movement slight but noticeable, and his heart broke in two when he saw the sorrow in your smile. He lifted a hand to swipe his thumb over a tear, your cheek still slightly warm but a touch colder than it had been a moment ago.

“Kili,” you repeated with a similar struggle as before. Every part of you ached to touch him, to wipe away the liquid evidence of his sorrow as he had done for you, but all you could manage was to lift your hand slightly. 

In his periphery, Kili saw the slight movement and he reached for your hand, squeezing it gently with his own. It terrified him; your fingers were like ice. “Yes,  _ Âzyungel _ ?” His tone was soothing, as he had managed to establish a fake calm in his disposition, one that may have even fooled himself if he wasn’t so absorbed by you and your closeness. 

_ I know you love Tauriel.  _ That’s what you wished to say, a bit of a disclaimer to what you truly wanted to tell him so that you would have no regrets. But you were in no position to give him a speech, to tell him that you thought his stubble made him handsome or that you needed no campfire all those nights because you always found warmth in his friendly gaze. That the moment you started actually falling for him was when you ducked into the parlor of Bilbo Baggin’s home and he had run passed with his brother, tossing dishes and singing. There was a giddiness to him that was contagious, and your smile only widened until you laughed, the young prince having dropped the dish he was supposed to catch when his brown eyes landed on you. You figured he wasn’t expecting a human to show up.

He hadn’t expected a  _ beautiful woman _ to show up.

Your lips moved, but hardly any sound came out. Frowning, Kili leaned in closer to you, the tips of his bangs tickling your temple as he told you to say it again. And at this point, you had no time to feel embarrassed or bashful. It became so easy to say what you had wanted to say long before the dungeons of Mirkwood, where you had to watch the dwarf you were quite sure you held a torch for flirt with someone else. Oh, that had been a cut most foul, worse than the one you sustained now.

“I love you, Kili.” The confession was just a whisper, but the shock evident on his face when he lifted it was enough to let you know that he heard it. His eyes were comically wide for a moment before he was giving you one of those toothy grins that set your heart a flutter. Bringing your hand up to his cheek, he turned towards it, pressing his chapped lips against the smoothness of your palm. Warmth spread through you, dulling the scorching ache in your side.

“ _ Men lananubukhs me _ ,” he sighed as if the weight of the world was no longer upon his shoulders. His lips moved from his hand to find your forehead then your nose. “Oh, Y/N,  _ Âzyungel _ , you have no idea how much I love you.” He kissed your mouth gently but soundly, not at all minding your weak attempt at returning it; his tears wet your skin, and it was a sob—again his—that broke your lip-lock. “Why did you have to do what you did? Why?” 

You managed to lift a brow at him, exhaustion beginning to overtake you as you finally felt yourself relax. It was bittersweet, knowing he felt the same now, of all times, but you did not regret what you did one bit. Killing Azog meant protecting someone that was irreplaceable to you. And  _ that _ was worth more than your share of the gold. Either way, it was not meant to be; one of you had to die on this battlefield. Better it be you.

A laugh bubbled in his throat as he pecked your lips once more, his thumb tracing the edge of your cheek. And you found you could go to sleep with that last image. The sight of your lovely dwarf, haloed by the sun behind him, smiling down at you with such adoration...May that vision be burned in your soul forever. Then, you could spend eternity in bliss.

“Y/N?” 

You had closed her eyes, your body becoming heavier, and it was then that Kíli realized...He croaked, fresh tears filling his eyes as he crushed your form to his own, his fingers embedded in your hair as he hugged you. Over and over, he spoke words of love, and all who had looked on bowed their heads. The young prince wasn’t the only one who had lost that day.

A funeral was held within the walls of Erebor a day later. You were ethereal, your hair framing your cleaned face with new clothes on you...If he didn’t know any better, Kili would have thought you to be in a peaceful slumber. But he did, and a lump formed in his throat as he fingered the bead at the end of one of your braids. It was silver; it had his ruins on it.

His one regret? Not giving it to you sooner. 

**Author's Note:**

> REQUEST:  
> https://whenputtingpentopaper.tumblr.com/post/628290912908410880/hiya-ive-got-a-request-if-youre-willing-for
> 
> Also, requests are currently open, so request here in the comments or on my Tumblr (http://www.whenputtingpentopaper.tumblr.com). I am currently accepting requests for headcanons, blurbs, drabbles & one-shots!


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